I started my blog back in 2012. You wouldn't know it though. Most of the blogs I wrote I never published because I felt they weren't good enough to share, or I'd go as far as publishing a blog only to delete it in cold sweats wondering whether anybody had already seen it.. or worse, they noticed I had deleted it and thought I was a crazy person. Eventually I just stopped, which to be honest has been really heavy on my heart.
My problem is, and it is a big problem which has been affecting me for a while now, is that I desperately want everything to be a Pinterest kind of 'perfect'. I constantly compared and criticised my own work and achievements to an unhealthy level.. ironically all the while not achieving anything at all. All the comparing was silently thieving me from the all the joy that creating new things used to bring me, and because I thought that whatever I did would be terrible before I'd even started I simply stopped trying.
The 'post degree' burnout I experienced didn't help. I can't begin to explain how difficult studying while working full time actually was. For 4 long years I felt like I was trapped holding my breath inside a big stress bubble. From the minute it was over on that delightful day of 14th of May 2016, the thought of sitting at my computer for personal projects or paid work made me want to curl up in a ball and never leave the comfort of my sofa. I lost all my motivation, confidence, and enthusiasm for anything creative outside of my full time work. I even turned away multiple freelance opportunities because I couldn't cope with the stress of letting those lovely people down.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't been completely hopeless. There was the trip to Venice where I discovered my love for travel photography, and since reading Marie Kondo's 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying' last Summer I've been obsessing over my surroundings and minimising our possessions and I feel so much lighter for it. (a blog on that to come soon)
Now though, I'm on a mission to get my creative mojo back. I’m going to write about the things I love to read about, create for no reason at all, and I’m going to share the results here - ‘perfect’ or not. I've spent the weekend giving my site a bit of a declutter and a facelift in preparation and already I'm feeling some of that creative fire back in my belly. It feels good.
'Quit hiding your magic, the world is ready for you' - Danielle Doby
Anyway, enough of me gushing my heart here. If you made it to the end of my ramblings I'd love it if you could let me know by leaving a little comment.
Much love, x
[Image from Unsplash]